Love Languages

I’ve been thinking a lot about love languages recently, thanks to a chapter in "the psychology workbook for writers" by Darian Smith that I’ve been reading as a way to improve my characters. I think I’ve narrowed down my most fluent love languages down to two ways that I tend to show and sometimes interpret love.

First, I’ve noticed that one way I show love is through “acts of service”. This makes itself most noticeable at work, but does come out in other areas of my life. I’ve always been one that found it hard to say no, and I do enjoy serving others. I find that when serving someone that I know and love, the act of service becomes an act of love. For instance, at work. I work in the infant room of a daycare, and I’d known the teacher that I work with for several years before I started the job. We both share a love for coffee, though she prefers hers black most days and I absolutely must have cream and sugar. It’s a rare morning when she gets to the classroom having already enjoyed her first cup of the day, and so one way that I show love or appreciation for her is by doing my best to make sure she gets to enjoy (or at least drink) her first cup of coffee. I try not to let the room get too crazy, or I’ll bring it to her if shes “stuck” in her chair or on the floor with a child and their bottle.

At home, when I want to show love or appreciation for my father or my siblings, I’ll jump in and do a chore that I don’t usually do. Or I’ll stop on my way home and get coffee or a desert for after dinner. Most of these things aren’t required of me, and most likely aren’t seen as “acts of love”, but they re a way for me to show my love to those around me in a practical way.

The second language in which I tend to show and interpret love is the language of touch, or physical affection. For me, this is varying. To start, I am very picky about this particular language. Sometimes I’m a hugger and sometimes I am not, it depends on the situation and the person. But for the most part, with family and friends-like-family, this is my most predominant language.

My family receives a lot of hugs. I’m known to get home after a long day and just plop down on the arm of my dads recliner while he is watching TV or playing a game. We talk about our days or anything significant that may have happened. It’s my favorite way to end a particularly long day. I kiss my dad, my grandparents, and my aunts on the cheek when I hug them. I put my head on my dads shoulder when I sit next to him in church, and I used to curl up next to my mom on the couch when we watched TV and even while we read. Simple touch is something that I think I’ve always used to show my love and affection, but I realize that it can lead to me unintentionally invading the space of others.

For instance: with Cheryl, I know that I end up invading her space more often than I mean to. It’s not the intention at all—but most days, she doesn’t seem to mind. She’s my Spiritual Mother, the human that knows almost everything about me. From deepest fears and dreams, to greatest weaknesses, struggles, and victories. She knows me better than almost anyone-aside from maybe my younger sister-and it only makes sense that I would attempt to express my affection in my most natural language.

I hold her hand, I kiss her cheek when we hug, I lay my head on her shoulder when we’re having serious conversations, and she's one of few whose shoulder I'm comfortable crying on. In general, very "daughterly" things.

Likewise, she does very "motherly" things: She tucks my hair behind my ear or brushes it out of my eyes, she fixes my necklaces/collars/tags, she's helped me zip up a dress for church after a particularly long Sunday afternoon rehearsal, and she's even helped me figure out how to tie a "pretty" bow with the tie of a costume skirt for Halloween.

All of these things, however big or small, can be interpreted as "I love you" in my mind. But just like language isn't the same for every person-we all have our own mix of favorite sayings and strange ways of pronouncing words-love languages will vary from person to person. This post is definitely not an all inclusive list of the ways that I like to say "I love you", and it may not be the same way that you or someone you know with these languages express love.Love languages, like spoken languages, are beautiful and unique to everyone. So think about how you and the people around you express love, and find someone to say "I love you" to in either your language or theirs.